Sucklord: The Game

Now is your time to be Toy Lord of Chinatown.”

Sucklord Video Game

All you have to do is tap the screen to jump, hop, battle, bounce, shoot and fly though this old-school retro-styled side-scrolling space-adventure that is set in a far off galaxy somewhere between Chinatown and Coney Island on the small planet of New York City.

Suck Bux

Money: you will need plenty of money to become the Toy Lord of Chinatown. You are awarded Suck Bux when you come up successful after various dilemmas presented throughout the game. If you can do the thing and reach the Bux, you get paid. Look for Bux and do the thing to win big.

Laser Sword

Laser Swords: look for bright colored balls of light above you throughout the game. Jump up to hit the colored light to get a Laser Sword of the same color. Some Laser Swords last longer than others. Yellow lasts the shortest of all, then Blue, Purple, Pink, and Red lasts the longest. You can use a Laser Sword to defeat the villains in your path.


Tyranusberg: this guy will loan you money, and then later will harass you to pay him back. If you jump on his head he will loan you $100 Bux. He will eventually want it back, and may demand interest on top of the loan. He’s unpredictable. If he gets hard up for cash, he’ll come looking for you in his Model T rocket ship. If you ever get caught alone in a room with Tyranusberg, pay him until he goes away. You can try to refuse his offers and do your best to not go into debt, but loans from Tyranusberg are hard to avoid.

Another B~

Another B~ a date with this sweet thing will cost you 100 Bux. It’s hard to avoid her. Warning: she is attracted to dudes with robots.


Douchebot: this is your long lost robot friend. It’s so nice to have him back. Douchebot is a fierce fighter and will come along with you on this adventure, if you can find him. Be warned that he is a chick magnet, the gals can’t resist that cute little robot. Soon enough he will get lost in space, and you will have to go find him all over again.

Chop Suey

Chop Suey: you must eat well to become Toy Lord of Chinatown. Get a box of Chop Suey for only $10 Bux and get super strength along with some wise words of advice.

Villains: the bad guys all have different evil powers to annoy you.

  • Star Chumps are worthless and mostly in the way. Not worth a thing. Just blast through ’em. Jump on their head, or slay with laser sword.
  • Galactic Jerkbags have all the money, so you gotta grab it from them as best you can. Sell them bootleg toys to become the Toy Lord of Chinatown.
  • The Necromancer is a wanted man and has a bounty worth $50 Bux if you can hit him with a laser sword. He’s wicked fast, so you must be faster.
  • Vectar is in there causing trouble with his annoying little laughing droid. If you get too close to Vectar, he will swipe $200 Bux from you.
  • Carrator is tossing some very dangerous Bionic Carrots all over the place making a mess of things. Slay with laser sword.
  • An entire battalion of Wrecked Souls are shooting Pink Suck Shark Missiles You must kill them before they kill you.

The idea is to acquire enough Suck Bux to unlock and play all the characters and villains to experience their individual struggles and watch them do what it takes to battle to the top for a chance to become the Toylord of Chinatown.

You can play all the way through and slowly accumulate enough Suck Bux to unlock different characters. We also offer in-app purchases of Suck Bux, so for a few pennies you could help us pay the rent and you get to unlock your favorite characters, or remove the ads for uninterrupted play. Either way, we thank you for playing our indie game.


World 1: Land Battle, New York City, Twin Towers, Chinatown

World 2: Retro Arcade Reward $$$ Level

World 3: Air Battle over Coney Island (emergency pilot: SUCK1)

World 4: Suck Pax Memory Card Game


This indie game is based on the Suckadelic Toy Lords of Chinatown characters by The Super Sucklord. Suckadelic toys, videos, art, and lore can be found at:

8-bit game sprites by Marc Beaudette of Onell Design.

Indie game development by J.E.Moores Game Machine:

Oh yeah, I almost forgot the classic Sucklord slogan:

You’re an asshole for playing this game.

How How?

A long time ago far away in a different zone and sector I supported a Kickstarter for some S.U.C.K.L.E. toys being made by the Super Sucklord. The toys came bagged with a header card. The back of the card had little 8-bit versions of each character. I thought, those would make great video game sprites.

S.U.C.K.L.E. Galactic Jerkbag

That was nearly 10 years ago? Not yet? Almost. Well, since then I’ve learned how to make video games and I still wanted to make that Sucklord game.

I imagined an 80’s arcade style side scrolling game. I created a mock up game and emailed the Sucklord to ask if he wanted to see it. We published the mock up game to Test Flight on iOS so he could check out the game on his phone and get ideas for the feel of the game mechanic and see the ideas already there, etc. He sent me all of those little 8-bit sprites so I could use the real things from his header cards, and together we figured out a list of stuff to add, change, and tweak to give the game the Suckadelic vibe. The Super Sucklord had a million ideas, and I really did my best to interpret them all into this game. I had a blast collaborating on this project.

To tie the live action characters to their 8-bit sprite counterpart I captured a few audio clips from the Toy Lords of Chinatown series on YouTube and include them in the game. It’s hilarious to hear Tyranusberg demand his money, and the annoying laugh of Vectar’s bot.

By having so many locked characters the game is intended to bring out the toy collector in all of us. It is my hope to create in you, a strange and unnatural need to unlock them all because you simply must experience the game as each character and villain.

Each character has different powers and abilities. Some jump higher, or more often, some can take more hits before dying. Each character and villain have unique settings to create a subtle variation in game play. Try each one to discover your favorite.

Sucklord the game coming soon to: iOS, Google Play, Windows PC… Ionic Satellite Reciever… G5 Cerebellum Direct, 8-track tape, and Victrola 78 rpm.

May the Farce be with you. (and also with you.) Jay~

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