Snotgrass is coming home to Washington, Maine. The Gibbs Library will be hosting a book signing Sunday May 3rd starting at 3PM. So saddle up a Side Hill Gouger and take a ride through the jungles and meet me at the library! Snotgrass is set on Washington Pond, so it is a real pleasure to be having this event in my home town. Tell your granny to put down her knitting and get on some mud boots, there’s a party at the library!
Here is a list of books written and illustrated by J.E.Moores
Flanders Lane – a summer in our little red cabin by Washington Pond, Maine. Video
Malaya and the Sock Monkeys – the sock monkeys have lost their jelly beans!
The Beating of the Child ABC’s – this book is intended to warn the wee ones of all the dangers in the world to avoid.
Harrowing Journey – Dennis the podling sets out on the road to find himself. Video
The Healing Tree – they cut down the healing tree to build a hospital…
Demon’s Tale – paperback – kindle – a creation myth to explain why the world is so messed up. Video
I Love My Family – meet Billy-O B. Bo Bo and his wonderful loving family. Yeah, it gets weird. Video
Birdie Builds A Nest – paperback – kindle – apple ebook – a bird has to be fierce. Although this looks like a kids book, this is really for folk just taking on a major leadership role.
Saboosa’s Burp – Malaya age 3 told us this story one night to avoid going to sleep. Mom wrote it down, I illustrated it. Video
Narrative Toy Photography – I collect toys so I can take odd photos of them. This book is set to be a free eBook for iPad download for you to enjoy.
GOF – a cute fuzzy guy searching for truth but settles for a glass of water. Many of my resin toys are based on these characters. Podlings and Gompers galore!
Pacifica Art – art ideas and instructions for 1st & 2nd grade kids. This was a project I did with a group of students and at the end we had this book. I have taught arts and crafts since 1984, and these are some of the happy faces I get to see.
The Day Book – calendar journal based on the books by Dr. Hulda Clark. I made this book to help my grandfather during his bout with prostate and lung cancer. He won that battle and was pronounced cancer free living 12 more years into his late 80’s without any recurrence of cancer. Everyone should read about Hulda Clark’s zapper and herbal parasite cleanse. Video
Print! Cut! Fold! Glue! – crazy paper toys to copy, print, cut out, and glue together. Fun stuff for sticky fingers. Video
How To Make Resin Toys – paperback – kindle – step by step guide to mold making and casting resin toys. Video
Cranford Lodge – classic haunted house ghost story set in Maine.
Snotgrass – paperback – kindle – the personal story of my family full of Maine humor, tall tales, mythical beasts, and bouffant hairdos. Video
Snotgrass a book by J.E.Moores signed with a handmade Swamp Bogger resin toy. Limited time offer. Each Swamp Bogger is unique and shipped at random. Order now, offer ends April 25, 2015. Click below for ordering info.
Signed Snotgrass book and Swamp Bogger toy
Starting April Fools 2015 FREE Snotgrass Kindle Download 5 Days Only!
When I was about 4 years old a friend of my grandfather had his stock car parked in the barn of our Maine farm. The men would gather around and work on the engine getting it ready for the next big race. Of course I was curious.
I wanted to climb up into the driver’s seat and sit behind the wheel. I wanted to bounce up and down and go “Broooooom! Broooooom! Broooooom!” while pretending that I was driving the car. I never made it. Instead, when doing my best to climb into the vehicle, I leaned on a chemical fire extinguisher that was mounted behind the seat. The safety pin was removed so in case of a fire the driver would have the extinguisher handy in an emergency.
The fire extinguisher blasted chemicals designed to put out gasoline fires, directly into my face. I fell back onto the wood barn floor clutching my head as the chemicals burned into my eyes.
My grandmother was carrying a basin of dishwater out after supper in order to dump it. She saw the whole thing and poured the dingy soap water directly onto my face. I was screaming. The world had become a blur. I couldn’t see.
My grandparents rushed me into their car and we headed off on the long trip from the small town of Washington, Maine to the city of Augusta. All the way my grandmother sat in the back seat with my head on her lap. She had water and a washcloth and continued to rinse my eyes during the hour long trip to the hospital.
Along the way she would ask, “Can you see outside? Can you see the motorcycle at the stop light?”
The doctors were unsure how things would turn out. I had burned my corneas and done extensive damage to my eyes. The water my grandmother had applied to my burns was the best luck I had that day. The rest was up to time.
I was blind for days seeing nothing but blurry movement and contrasting shapes. Light hurt my eyes so they left me to rest in my room with curtains drawn.
Over time I regained my eyesight and needed to be fitted for glasses. Without UV protection from the sun, my lack of corneas made it difficult for me to deal with bright sunlight. I would get headaches and migraines during the daylight hours for the rest of my life. Aspirin was my breakfast of choice each day. I discovered Excedrin and then BC Powder as my daily drug of choice.
Here I am forty-six years later and light still kills my eyes. I am nocturnal, a creature of the night. This is my story. This is how I became Vampire Dad.
This is one of the oldest photos in the family album. It’s a photo of my great grandparents Jesse and Kitty Flanders at their old farm in Washington, Maine. They’re the ones standing in the very left side of this photo. That’s my grandfather crouched down wearing the tie. I’m not sure, but that might be my grandmother, the one who is hard to see holding the little brown jug behind the young lady on the tricycle.
I come from a long line of very silly people. I mean, just look at ‘em. They all have buckets on their head. Who knows what they are drinking, but I’m sure it ain’t milk. I never knew Grammy Flanders to drink, so she’s the only one there without a mason jar full of what I assume is beer. I think it’s beer because it looks dark with a frothy head.
Let’s look a bit further at this photo. Off to the left the tree has no leaves. Way back in the field, there are some traces of snow. This is late March, early April, 1941. The lawn is still muddy from snow melt and the grass is not yet standing. I bet it’s a Sunday after church. That’s why they are dressed in their Sunday best.
This isn’t just a celebration after a long Maine winter. They may not know it, but this is the last hurrah a few months before the Japanese attack on Pearl Harbor and the US gets involved in WWII. My grandfather would later join the Army and be wounded in 1943 during the Battle of the Bulge.
So let them have their fun, because there are troubled times ahead for these people. Hitler frightened the whole world, and things would never be the same after that. My grandfather would spend all of 1945 in the hospital after having a metal plate replace the missing part of his skull. His chest and stomach was scarred from the shrapnel of shell fire. He walked with a limp, and was later confined to a wheel chair in his old age.
Yes, these people deserve this moment celebrating springtime in Maine. Let this photo remind you that you never know what’s just around the corner. Live life to its fullest. Love one another. Great Grammy and Grampy, I raise my glass to you!
After months of picking up our mail at the local post office, I am glad to report that Winter 2015 is coming to an end. My mailbox peeped out of its icy hole yesterday. Spring is here in Maine!
When I wanted to write books for Kindle I found a great Open Office novel template created by Bill Myers. I have since updated Bill’s Kindle template with information I had to figure out on my own. It took me forever to figure out how to remove Mango Bob from Bill’s template so that my book was not titled Mango Bob. I have since stripped all author information from the template and given instruction on how to add yours. Hopefully my updates make it even easier to write and publish your book to Kindle Pub, and when you do, it won’t be titled Mango Bob.
One of the strange issues with Open Office is “curly quotes”. The program switches from straight to curly and it makes folk crazy fixing them. I have added a Macro into this template to fix that issue. Instructions for use are on the template.
I suggest saving your Open Office book in odt format. Once you are done convert the odt using Alkinea into a mobi. Use Kindle for PC/Mac to look your mobi file over, and if you like what you see, send the mobi file into Kindle Pub. The best part is, Open Office and Alkinea are free programs, so all you have spent is your time.
I have also created a Kindle Book Cover Template for you. Simply open it in software like Photoshop, create your cover, and delete the template layer. Here are the links to get you started. Right click each template and Save Link As:
Kindle Novel Template for Open Office
Kindle Book Cover Template
Stuff you will also need along the way:
Open Office Writer – read download carefully and opt out of browser tool bars and other software bundled with Open Office.
KindleGen and Kindle for PC/Mac – you need KindleGen to power Alkinea, and Kindle to open a mobi file to proof your finished book.
Alkinea – Free software that converts Open Office odt files to mobi files.
Here it is, my crazy book Snotgrass available now as a Paperback or Kindle download. Full of Maine Humor, Bouffant Hairdos and Mythical Beasts.
Click here to read an excerpt from Snotgrass: The Side Hill Gouger
Here’s a video where I read from Snotgrass, chapter 3, The Jungles